Big Love

So one of the more interesting things I learned during my recent trip is that polygamy is alive and well in Senegal. Not that I have anything against polygamy necessarily, but it was just interesting being in a place that openly practiced it. I was told that Senegalese law allows for a man to have up to four wives. Aside from the fact that I don't understand why anyone would even want to have four wives, I'm very interested in understanding how the logistics of such a relationship would play out. I met a few married couples in Dakar, but unfortunately, I don't think I met any men that had multiple wives. I understand that the first wife is supreme over any subsequent wives, but beyond that, I don't know how the whole arrangement works. Do they all live together, or do they generally maintain separate residences and the man divides his time accordingly? Are all children equal, or does the preference given to the first wife extend to the children she bears as well? It seems to me that it would be a very complicated and very delicately balanced relationship, but it's likely that they've been practicing polygamy for centuries and have no trouble negotiating all of the potential pitfalls that would be common to novices.

One woman that I met there had been dating a married man for several years. After 9 years of what I would characterize as him stringing her along, she learned that he had made a pact with his wife to refrain from taking another wife despite the aspirations of the woman that I had met, who was hoping to become wife number 2. As the situation stood by the time I left, as relayed to me by my friend, the woman and the married man were actively trying to pursuade the wife to release the husband from his aggreement so that he could take a second wife. What seemed odd to me as a westerner, was not so much that the woman was willing to be wife number 2, but the fact that she was the one most actively pursuing that position. Although she was well aware that she would be playing second fiddle to his first wife for the rest of her life, she had decided that she wanted to be with this man and was determined to convince his wife to allow her into their family. The whole situation seems so opposed to our notions of feminism here in the west. There just seems like there is something inherently wrong with her pursuing such a position of inferiority. However, different cultures have very different rules and norms. Maybe from her point of view, asserting her desire to be with this particular man was her form of self-empowerment. Maybe it's not about the man at all. Maybe marriage to her is simply a tool to gain greater access in society so that she can more easily accomplish her goals in life. Or maybe not. Who knows. I just think it's all very interesting.